Looking For Flawless Skin? Read This!
If you do a quick Google search regarding pores, everything is about "reducing their appearance" or "how to get rid of pores."
I'll be honest, I've also been plagued with an obsession for eliminating my pores. As a matter of fact, I think one of the biggest reasons why I became an esthetician was to find out the secret to poreless skin.
And now I'm here to tell you, after a lot of education, experience with clients, and my own personal observation of my skin, there's no such thing. One of the best, and unintended, consequences of being an esthetician is realizing that there's no perfect skin. I see it time and time again, clients with totally healthy skin complaining about everything that's "wrong."
If anything, it helps me boost my own self-esteem! But also, I get quite triggered by this because there's nothing wrong with having pores. And although I now know this and educate everyone about it, I'm still human and I still need to fight my own inner critic that wants to eliminate all pores from my face. So I know it's hard not to want this.
Especially because we live in a world that sees one another through photoshopped and altered images, so we assume that everyone's skin is poreless, or wrinkleless, or flawless. And the standard of beauty is totally flawed. The same language and messages are used for anything else skin related ("get rid of fine lines," "avoid sagging skin," etc).
Our society is obsessed with glass-like skin. A complexion that has no lines, no pores, no flaws. But why have we gotten ourselves into this unachievable goal? As with anything beauty related, it seems as though we're constantly setting women up for failure.
What do I mean by failure?
Our skin needs pores. It's part of the structure of the skin, so without it, you can't have healthy skin. Our skin will inevitably age, there's no escaping this and nothing wrong about it. Acne is a disorder of the skin, you can control it and manage it, but for most of us, we'll continue to break out occasionally (and this is fine!).
So if our goals are unattainable, we start at a disadvantage no matter how we see it.
Let’s get nerdy. A breakdown of why perfect skin is impossible!
To give you an example of why it's important to acknowledge that there's no perfect skin and that glass skin is a ridiculous goal, let's talk about pores. This is all of my client's obsession, and as I admitted, mine as well. The pores we are so obsessed with are really the opening of hair follicles. Our skin has thousands of them across our body, but there's a higher concentration in our face. Within those hair follicles, we find sebaceous glands (oil). Or really, attached to the hair follicle. Therefore, the oil that our skin produces is secreted through the hair follicles.
Although we're obsessed with mattifying and drying products, our skin NEEDS oil. The sebum secreted by the oil glands lubricates the skin and helps prevent the evaporation of moisture (1). Additionally, it also possesses some anti-fungal properties (2). Oil also ensures that the skin is supple and protected! So can you imagine if you eliminate all the oil from the skin?
When you notice some congestion in your skin, this is the accumulation of oil, dead skin cells, and bacteria present in the hair follicle (3). Those with oilier skin (from genetics), accumulate more oil, and thus, pores appear larger. But it’s inevitable. So those little black dots in your nose, they’re normal (and they’re not blackheads, they’re sebaceous filaments).
SO MANY clients ask me to close down their pores. The idea that you can open or close your pores is a huge misconception. There are no muscles in our pores, so this is impossible (4). Similarly, when we use a steamer in the treatment room, this isn't opening your pores either. It just softens any sebum for easier extractions (just wanting to clarify this as well, since I often get asked about this). And no, it's not helpful for you to steam your skin often at home (it can actually dehydrate your skin, which is counterproductive to minimizing the appearance of pores).
So given our understanding of skin and its structure, we can at least acknowledge that it's impossible to achieve pore-less skin. I don't expect you to LOVE your pores immediately after reading this, but at least begin to cognitively understand why it's a flawed goal.
A different approach to skin imperfections
In every part of life, I'm a total perfectionist. But I'm working hard not to because similarly to skin, there's no standard for perfection.
I've also come to realize that we relate to others better when we don't think they're perfect. Whenever I feel like someone is perfect (in my eyes), it's much more intimidating and it's harder to form a connection with them. I'm sure that's happened to you. When you're vulnerable (and imperfect) with your loved ones, there's a stronger connection.
Similarly, a better approach is to embrace these normal and imperfect aspects of our skin: pores, fine lines, age spots, etc. I'm not saying you shouldn't be doing anything to reduce these things or fight them. But as I've talked about in the past, we need to manage expectations.
I like to ask my clients what these things mean in their life. For me, I try to look at my crow’s feet (my main area of concern at the moment) as a sign of a lot of laughter in my life.
There's a lot to be done on the societal level to fight against beauty standards that disproportionately harm women. I know it's utopian to ask you to ditch any expectations and live according to our own rules. We're still part of society and a society that has these weird beauty ideas (like glass skin). But I do strongly believe that we can begin to shift this, one skin at a time!
As you begin to accept and love yourself more, including your pores, we're taking steps towards a more skin positive world. A world and a society where our worth isn't defined by the size of our pores, where beauty doesn't equate to flawless skin, and a world where we're valued for more than just how our skin looks.
I'd written about beauty standards in the past, with a focus on how it impacts Black and women of color. It’s always worth it to revisit!
How to deal with imperfections?
Invest in your own relationship with yourself! Focus on fostering a loving conversation with yourself! It's much more than just topical skincare. As I said before, I don't expect an immediate shift in perspective. Especially since loving ourselves is a work in progress and it takes time (and constant effort).
I'm focusing all of February, the month of love, to nurture self-love. Because what relationship is more important to celebrate than the one you have with yourself?
Throughout this month, I'll be exploring and sharing with you all about self-love. If you're not a big fan of the way your skin looks, it can be even harder to foster self-love. But it's even more important to cultivate a gentle approach to yourself.
I created Aïam Skin to serve as a reminder that you are beautiful and worthy, despite what you tell yourself!
Self-love is constant. I deeply enjoy pampering you and helping you feel your best, but the biggest achievement is doing it yourself. Little things count (and often have an even bigger impact).
Investing a few minutes of your day to journal, taking that bath you've been craving, spending some time massaging your face and whispering affirmations, listening to an inspirational podcast, seating down to have a meal instead of taking it on the go.
Small investments in yourself yield the biggest returns!
I have an entire journal where I talk about the importance of having realistic skincare expectations and the importance of positive habits for healthy skin. Additionally, I talk about practices that can help minimize the negative self-talk and increase self-love:
Words of affirmation: instead of pointing out all your flaws every time you look in the mirror, name at least one positive and beautiful thing about your face (I started with my eyes and have slowly moved towards less obvious things like the skin in my cheeks)
Self-compassion: I'm learning more about this, but so far I'm loving it. Kristin Neff is a leading researcher in this area and she outlines three things to keep in mind:
Mindfulness: whenever the inner critic comes out (that voice telling you your pores are too big), notice it. Practice until you strengthen your awareness and you'll be more able to identify these negative thoughts arising
Common humanity: realize that we all have common struggles. How many more people aren't feeling insecure about their pores? I'm obviously not alone! (ps. One of the unintended positives of being an esthetician is realizing how EVERYONE has their insecurities and it doesn't matter that I don't see what's wrong, they will. So many clients come complaining about all the blackheads in their skin, most have almost nothing. Or they come concerned about all the wrinkles in their face, and they're just 21 so you can imagine the lack of wrinkles)
Kindness: how would you respond to a friend who has a similar thought? Probably much kinder than how you react to yourself. Kindness is about recognizing your imperfections (hello, we've all got them, we're human remember?) and being gentler and more accepting of yourself
Facial massage: there are many benefits to the skin (boosts circulation in the skin, brighter complexion, decreased puffiness, lymphatic drainage, etc). But in terms of self-love, I find this to be an incredible practice!
All of this comes from the power of touch. There's a lot of evidence and researchers have investigated the power of touch and its effects in lowering cortisol levels in our bodies and even our heart rate. There's a group at the University of Miami called the Touch Research Institute and they've demonstrated all of the powerful effects of touch.
How does it work? What happens when we touch?
Pressure receptors under your skin are stimulated
Slows nervous system down and heart rate is reduced
Blood pressure is also reduced
You get very relaxed because of the above, and so cortisol (the stress hormone) decreases!
Serotonin also increases, which helps with depression and pain!
Overall, touch is connected with the vagus nerve which is highly associated with well-being!
I'm here for the skincare advice, what can I do topically?
Together with working on self-love and your mental wellbeing, here are a few tips for what to do regarding your skincare:
Start with a basic skincare routine. Once you've got that down, target your main concerns.
Yes, there are things you can do to help MINIMIZE the appearance of pores. A few tips and ingredients that can help:
Don't strip your skin from its natural oils. This leads to an overproduction of oil and the appearance of larger pores. Yes, cleanse your skin, but don't overdo it, and be gentle!
Exfoliate regularly. And by exfoliate I don't mean with a scrub, rather with a chemical exfoliant such as glycolic or salicylic acid. And by regularly I don't mean every day!
Ingredients that can help: retinoids, niacinamide, salicylic acid, glycolic acid
Incorporate additional treatments, such as microcurrent which can help with the appearance of tighter pores and LED light, which will help with the production of fibroblasts, collagen, and elastin (as these decrease, pores tend to look larger)
Everyone should be using SPF. If you're not, then nothing else you do for your skin means anything.
Want more?!
I’m having a workshop to celebrate yourself! On Saturday 2/13 at 9 pm EST, join me virtually to work your skin both mentally and physically. It's going to be a night focused on skincare and self-care. The goal? Nurture yourself and foster self-love.
Resources
(1,2,3) Milady Skin Care and Cosmetic Ingredients Dictionary by M. Varina Michalun and Joseph C. Dinardo
(4) The Skincare Bible: Your No-Nonsense Guide to Great Skin by Dr. Anjali Mahto