Self-Care Can Be Simple, But Make It Intentional
Self-care is extremely personal. And although there are so many ideas out there about what self-care should look like, what it should be, how one should do self-care, none of that is true. Unless you enjoy any of those things. In that case, it’s true for YOU. And that’s the bottom line: we’re all very unique, so what I consider self-care will vary to what you consider self-care.
Self-care is not supposed to be a chore. It shouldn’t add additional stress. And no one should be made to feel guilt or shame around self-care.
So the goal is to find the right way of engaging in self-care. As I’ve said before, self-care comes in many different shapes and sizes and it's not a one size fits all. And so you can make ANYTHING self-care.
Literally, anything. At least in my books you can. There’s no standard definition of self-care, but if you take the meaning quite literal, the premise is basically to take care of yourself, right? So if that means that you exercise twice a week, or that you take a bubble bath once a week, or meditate a few times per week, they are all the same for me. And if you are committed to these forms of self-care, great.
Additionally, I also think that it’s important to take care of yourself on a daily basis.
Committing to doing something for your mental and/or physical health is remarkable. And this doesn’t have to be a huge commitment. It also doesn’t have to be very time consuming. It’s about cultivating daily positive habits into your life that contribute to your overall wellbeing.
Habits are actions people first decide to do deliberately and keep doing subconsciously (Charles Duhigg, The Power of Habit). Eating healthy, washing your face, exercising, brushing your teeth, using SPF, deep breathing, etc. are all great examples of positive habits. They're also great examples of self-care. And I think that a lot of these eventually do become activities we do subconsciously. And the power in that is that you do them regularly because you're not even thinking about it. So you're regularly engaging in self-care!
However, I also think there IS power to doing things intentionally rather than just out of habit.
Or at least acknowledging that you're doing things for yourself and your wellbeing on a regular basis. It changes your perspective around self-care, as these are now part of your regular life.
For example, doing your skincare routine at night may be a very habitual activity. But as you acknowledge that you're choosing to do this and are conscious of the fact that you've decided to dedicate those 5-10 min of your night to yourself, there's a lot of power there. And even more power when you do these activities purposefully and with a self-care goal in mind. And yet the activity didn't change. You're still spending the same amount of time and effort, only the perspective changed.
I personally take this approach regarding tea. I drink at least two very tall cups of tea per day. And this used to be a very mundane activity. I liked the taste and the benefits, so I just drank tea mindlessly. A while back, I changed my approach. I started to be more purposeful during those three minutes while I prepared my tea, and then continued to be mindful as I consumed it. For the first couple of minutes that I sip my tea, I focus on the warmth of the cup, the smell of the drink, and the peace it brings to me right then and there. And that for me is part of my self-care. I didn’t add a new task to my to do list, I was already drinking the tea. I just added a purpose to it.
Bottom line, it's important to develop positive habits in our life. But it's easier said than done. Unless you can hack the habit loop. According to Charles Duhigg, there are three stages: the cure, routine and reward. And it's a loop. This works great when you're trying to change a negative habit. Here’s an example using Duhigg's loop:
Cue: job stress
Routine: smoking
Reward: momentary relief and reduced stress
The goal now is to find an alternative routine that gives you the same reward.
Cue: job stress
Routine: 5 min meditation
Reward: reduced stress
Obviously, it's not so simple, but you get the point. And ideally, you can find a routine that you enjoy doing, which can be replaced by a small self-care activity.
What’s your ideal self-care?
Think about your life. What does your day look like? Can you think about everything you do (go deep into details of each hour of your day). Are you spending time and energy in the right places? Are there activities you do every day that maybe aren’t worth it? You may be doing them as a distraction or to procrastinare. If you want to change these, use Duhigg's loop!
What are you doing regularly that could be part of your self-care? Take a moment to go over your day to day and jot down everything that comes to mind.
Out of ideas? Here’s a list:
Breathing (seriously, if you just focus on your breath for a couple of minutes, you’ll notice how grounding this feels and how much calmer you feel afterwards)
Drinking water
Moving your body. This can be exercise, but it can also just be a couple of minutes a day where you just move intuitively. And if exercise feels better, my advice would be to find a workout that you enjoy and that your body feels good with
Reading a book
Listening to a podcast
Afternoon coffee
The goal is to find those activities that are easy to include in your day (if they aren’t already part of it), turn them into habits, and enjoy them with purpose.
It may be easier said than done, I get it. It takes practice and some trial and error until you find a good rhythm. And I want to continue supporting you throughout your self-care journey.
You can download this FREE workbook for more help in figuring out the ideal self-care for YOU.
Additionally, starting November 22nd 2020, I’m doing a self-care challenge.
What’s the workbook? Basically, a guide to help you figure out your ideal self-care and tools to implement it.
What’s the self-care challenge? A month long challenge to encourage you to take care of yourself. I’ll post the calendar on Instagram with daily ideas for you to do some form of self-care. However, this time around, my hope is that you can make your self-care work for YOU. That’s where the workbook comes in handy! If you sign up, I'll email you a template for you to fill out with your personalized goals based on what you discover through the self-care workbook.
Anything else? Yes! Once you download the workbook, you’re automatically signed up for the challenge. I’ll be emailing you daily for encouragement and accountability!
Lastly: we’ll end with another FREE event doing all things self-care on December 20th, so mark your calendar!
P.S.
The goal is to build awareness throughout your day and work on strengthening the connection you have with yourself.
It's not easy to form new habits. But, as you become more mindful and conscious about your actions, even the smallest thing can be an act of self-care.
Make self-care work for YOU. Figure out what your ideal self-care is by downloading this FREE workbook
Join the self-care challenge happening from November 22nd to December 20th
The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business by Charles Duhigg