Define what self-care is for YOU
If you've met me before you know I'm obsessed with self-care. I schedule it daily into my calendar and don't compromise (or try really hard not to). But self-care has become a very loaded term and because there's a lack of a standard definition, we each have our own understanding of what it means to "self-care." There's also some shaming attached to it (aka am I being selfish when I prioritize my personal needs?).
What does self-care look like?
Self-care comes in many different shapes and sizes and it's not a one size fits all activity. You don't need to spend three hours at a spa or $200 on a massage as a self-care activity. Although these are nice things to do and kudos to you if you have the time + money to do this often. In reality, when you reflect deeper and take a closer look at what it entails, caring for yourself is taking your needs into consideration and ensuring you're at your optimal health.
Image via @blessingmanifesting on Instagram
I thought it was just about mental health
I think many people associate self-care with only the mental health component that it entails. I continue to be perplexed at how people disregard the connection between physical and mental health as an overall measure of wellbeing for the person. We make big efforts to ensure that we're staying healthy by eating right, exercising, taking our meds and/or supplements, brushing our teeth, etc. But when it comes to sleeping enough, meditating (or call it quiet time if the word meditation is too loaded for you), washing your face at night, being kind with yourself, etc., there's never enough time. I think more people understand the relationship on a rational level but haven't really understood in an emotional or practical level the importance of also doing the latter and not just focusing on physical health.
Who has time for this?!
I can anticipate the pushback: too tired, my job is too demanding, too expensive, any excuse I've either said it myself or have heard it before. And I get it. We do live hectic lives. Our jobs ARE demanding. If you have families with children who take up most of your energy and space it can be even more challenging to make the effort for yourself. But as you identify the best way to support yourself, you are then in a much better position to support others.
So what if we re-define what constitutes as self-care?
Here's a bold claim: you can make anything self-care. As long as it satisfies your needs and you're purposefully doing it as self-care. Shall I elaborate further?
Morning coffee: if you're just drinking it to wake yourself up in the morning without giving it two thoughts and just chugging it, yeah, it's not self-care. But what if you shift this a bit. Make a conscious decision of buying your favorite coffee and give yourself time to brew it to your liking. Set a timer for a couple of minutes and contemplate on your coffee and the smell of it. Before taking the first couple of sips, think of one thing you're grateful for (it can simply be this coffee you're about to drink, the 5 minutes you're giving yourself for this ritual, your family, etc).
Showering: can you listen to soothing music for 5 minutes in the shower and try to only think about the music and nothing else? Even maybe a 5 minute guided meditation as you let the water run down your body?
It's a matter of changing the perspective of how you see things on your day to day life, not necessarily adding new activities.
What self-care is not
The goal is not for you to feel bad whenever you fail to schedule this into your life or when life gets in the way of self-care. Hey, it happens, we're humans, we live very busy lives, and we're going through a global pandemic. My hope is that you're able to see even the smallest acts of kindness towards yourself as self-care and that you begin to notice the difference these make on you. And to differentiate between something you do to relax, like mindlessly watching TV (no shade, this is also important for many of us), and actual self-care, like a moment of silence with yourself.
What does self-care have to do with skincare?
Skin care is about the connection I get to have with myself. It's almost like a meditation, a moment of going inwards and an opportunity for positive affirmations. But this takes conscious effort. It takes self awareness to be loving rather than critical. It takes training to see myself in the mirror and see the positive rather than the negative. I constantly do my best to see how far my skin has come instead of being hateful towards the pimple/wrinkle/dark spot [insert skin issue].
In building this positive relationship with myself, I'm giving my mental health what it needs AND taking care of my skin at the same time. These moments that I get to have by myself when I'm doing a facial massage, washing my face at the end of the day, applying my serums and creams, are all ways I tell my body I love and respect it. I'm saying to my body I value you and treat you in the best way possible that I can. But I do all of this intentionally. It's not just me slapping on a face mask. It's taking the time to be grateful that I have the time to do this; it's sitting in silence even if just five minutes as I let my skin soak in the nutrients. I don't necessarily do this with everything and at every occasion, but when you start doing it often, it eventually comes naturally.
Louder for the people in the back! Why the craze with self-care?
Improved physical health
Improved mental health — eg. reduced stress, improved self-esteem
It's not that complicated and we DO have time
Anything can be self-care if we do it right
When we take care of ourselves we're better able to take care of others